It was a dark and stormy night...

2003-04-30T17:46:00.000-07:00

Which Donnie Darko character are you? by Shay

2003-04-24T16:51:00.000-07:00

Was going to make chocolate balls. Didn't have enough butter, so made pourridge instead. Tasted all right with the proper overdose of strawberry jam, I guess.

I'm alive and all. I'm just not taking the situation with Tanja very well.
It's not nearly the same reasons that made me feel less happy when I last wrote on oh-how depressed I was.
Right now I just wanna throw up. Because I can't take it. I simply can't. Most of you people know what T and I went through last spring, when we were still together and well. It sure isn't making things any better right now. To say the least.
I'm damn well not ready to get Tanja out of my life just now, when some big parts of me depended on...at the very least, just the contact we had.

I know it's just who I am, but...
godammit, I'm such a romantic.

2003-03-26T13:37:00.000-08:00

www.bookcrossing.com
When all else fails

2003-03-23T06:38:00.000-08:00

Angsty as fuck. Dare not write about it. Damn.
Listening to Placebo and (egad!) -Sugababes-...

2003-03-22T12:39:00.000-08:00

When writing log book this evening for the project work on WW2:s Japan, I felt that my arms were awfully tired, but I couldn't find a reason to why.

It took me a while to actually remember that I donated blood earlier today. X__o That might just be the cause for it, you know...

2003-03-22T12:37:00.000-08:00

Need friend.

2003-03-12T16:54:00.000-08:00

The Yaoi Selector: Which Seme are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Yaoi Selector: Which Uke are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah, like whatever.

2003-03-09T21:25:00.000-08:00

Couldn't sleep until 4:50 am.

Got up and followed advice I'd gotten from Tanja these last few days, when we'd been arguing, and watched the two last episodes of Evangelion.

Time is now around 6:am, and I still don't feel very sleepy... But Tanja was fucking right.

For those of you who have seen the series to its end, you might begin to understand what some mere anime episodes, like the last ones of Eva, can really do to you. I more or less realised that I'm very much like Misato's character[Her, as well as Shinji's depressed little ass, are struggling to get some room inside my brain], in that I can get really dependant on staying with someone I [close to] love, in a relationship. If I'm strong enough to admit it to myself, I probably only felt completely good, when sleeping with Tanja, laughing with her, doing things I loved to do, _with her_. Because no one had never really filled me up, and made me acceptable to myself, like her, before.[Or hang on a sec! maybe....I just read too much into anime endings..? XD] But that's probably the reason I've been acting like the dope around her lately, but that has to change some way or another. Really. Soon. [and maybe I should stop this pathetic rant, before I embarass myself even further, yes..?]

(On a sidenote I am happy that I won't have to rely on the other person this much, in every relationship I might get into, which was thankfully proven by what a girl called Linda and I had[when I actually thought I had gotten over Tanja], from early December to late January)

Either way, this is more and more making me realize that I'm not always great in putting my thoughts into words. Will do my best in studying like a madman until Thursday tho. And then I'll possibly try to change things I''ve grown tired of, like my lack of enthusiasm for things I actually love, this blog, the homepage, my reluctance to writing things [letters and essays], and, and...well, that's a start. does that sound like a promise? Haha, I sure don't hope so.
Responsibility <-- scary

2003-03-08T17:03:00.000-08:00

Prolly won't be writing here lots in the coming week since I need to prepare my project work - "Aspects on the 2nd World War", and in my particular case, that means talking lots and lots about the Japanese view of everything that happened. entertaining, as I feel that I could (almost)write the whole thing out of what I've got in my head, but I prolly won't, since one of the essential matters on the project is to present how we've _acquired_ all of the information.. Either way, I've got angst from Hades written all over my face. ^_^;;

Had nice day with T-chan, watching Evangelion, sleeeping, eating Japanese, and coming home to see the MTV Movie Awards, which had it's good sides. Naturally, there were the occasional fights, but she seemed to think we got along, which is always worth something. Appearently she's gotten over our whole relationship better than I have. Well, whatever.

Really need to work like silly this week.
2 not so special new pictures are up at my (to-be?) homepage.

2003-03-07T17:46:00.000-08:00

Mangakai meetings have their way of either getting under your skin and making you chilidshly happy, or creepingly disturbingly making you feel v. depressed.

2003-03-05T15:56:00.000-08:00

The link to my pages of the Mangakai impromanga.What else was I supposed to link..? Oh yeah, t h i s , perhaps..? silly, 'tis
Went with mom, had fun, ate Japanese. Mom had picked up some pens and candy for me, which was nice, tho the best present today is kind of a secret. ^_^

Had an all-around good birthday, tho nothing spectacular spectucalar.
Will go to Kreatima and buy stuff for drawing, since they were closed when mom and I got out to shop.
Am finally going to sleep in time for once. Well, sorta, at least. (1.am)

2003-03-05T09:02:00.000-08:00

Waaaahh~!! Have to do something. Restless as fuck. Ô_O all hyper and genki, and so forth... It's my birthday, and I've got no more impromanga to worry about. FInally. That dreadful thing (which I did put my crazy ol' heart into, I might add) killed my sleep everyday since last thursday, and along with getting hold of the whole of the Escaflowne anime on SVCD has been THE main causes for me not hitting the hay until around four, five o' clock in the morning most days, and NO sleep this saturday.. ^___^;; It can't be good for you, but I haven't been this psyched about doing something for months, even tho I feel as though the product (impromanga impromanga)was far from good, it made me feel that at least I had achieved something. Yuck, I'll speak no more of The Evel.
I will, however, start drawing 4 realz. And pick up the guitar again, or whatever else creative.
Could probably go for a party right now. Very Upper.
Want Kurt Cobain's Journals...neeeed it. Also wicked photobook Fruits with edible alternative Japanese people. We wantsss that, too.

Haven't gotten any presents yet, tho I know for sure that I'm getting a few of somethings from Dad later in the month (more about that another time), and I'm going shopping for artsy stuff with Mother today (sketchbooks and the like) and having dinner, mebbe sushi.

Have got tons of things to write, but I probably won't, since I need to start angsting about the project work on Second World War (*2* ^_~) in Japan, that needs to be written for next week. Twelve pages oughta do it. But jeezus, I'm no Tanja in terms of dedication on school matters... this will definetely take some discipline. X__x

Am going out for presents and f00d now. Also need to mention that I got cards from my neat relatives in Uppsala and Kalmar, which was strangely appreciated, as I read the cards in Science class. ^_^ Got cake in bed, with candles and everything. Felt unusal but 1337 all the same. ;D
Will put up links to stuff later. Have one new silly picture at the homepage, and the(even sillier) impromanga is up, and complete! On second thought, just scroll down to see the links to my homepage. Gotta go cherish the silly glee, while it still lasts.
And have got to give blood. Like, donate. Totally.

2003-03-04T15:02:00.000-08:00

::yay, birthday::
Wasn't a terribly bright tuesday with Tanja and school and all, but I wonder how it'll will turn out
Have got no idea of what I want to do today.
....
And the impromanga is finally (near-)finished.
Pages might come up tomorrow.

2003-03-03T09:01:00.000-08:00

Fell asleep several times at school today. Not the wisest thing to do.
Am going to Mangakai year meeting. Never been to that particular place located in the Stockholm suburbia, before. Might be fun.
Am also going to use my coupon I got from Mcdonald's, for a free Happy Meal birthday present. Entertaining, for some reason. And I don't even like Mcdonald's all that much.

Impromanga pages to be uploaded tonight.

2003-03-02T18:14:00.000-08:00

Am OD:ing on gooood background music from anime like Vision of Escaflowne and Neon Genesis Evangelion, as I'm watching them both.
Am loving the rage-episodes where someone/something goes more or less extravagantly ballistic (i.e. Eva 01, Dilandau, Van).

Couldn't sleep at all last night. Started watching Escaflowne episodes at 6.30 am, when I had given up sleep for sure. Love it to death, btw. Have produced another page of impromanga madness that'll be uploaded soon, and have also fought angsty fight with Tanja, which have stretched all throughout the day, from circa 2. pm, to 2 am. All in a days work.

"Have beard, will shave for food." XD
(took picture of me in a 4-day beard...rwuahah, I look so silly)

2003-03-01T19:08:00.000-08:00

Have eaten home-madeOkonimyaki, which is a traditional Japanese sorta dish. It's something of an omelette with a lot of dough, and in our case, a filling of either ham, or prawns and noodles. I'm not a big fan of either of the fillings, but it was strangely satisfying, all the same. As seen in Ranma 1/2 for those hoopy froods that are reading it, btw.
Had fun over at Tim's, where we ate. Played silly video games, and felt very nerdy. ^___^

Have also recently been v. occupied in writing my part for the not-very-serious impromanga. The scruffy pages I've done so far can be found here, in swedish.
THANK YOU, 1337 gh0de55, tanja, for yer goddarn time in putting 'em up, and for all the stupid hidden messages. there, I said it. ;)
Oh, and of course, the beginning of the series can be found over at www.impromangan.tk, by clicking on 'Serien'. Tanja's drawn a pic in the fanart section that I don't hate.

So then, now what's up with Margrethe's blog..? Ô_o

It's past 4.am. sleeping habits...baaaaaad.

2003-02-26T17:52:00.000-08:00

(From Chicago)
Roxie Hart: I love my audience. And they love me. And I love them for loving me. And they love me for loving them. And we love each other. And that's because we didn't get enough love in our childhoods.

She makes it sound fairly fun. And oh...the cinema-going...thing...went all right. A bit strained, perhaps but all right. And the movie was good, too.

Cut my bonsai tree's limbs for the first time ever, tonight, as I was having a wicked conversation with Malin. Malin is a non-anime buff, but she's seen loads of more Japanese contemporary movies than I have. Volcano High, Ringu, Battle Royale, Dolls and so forth. Will definetely have to bite her.

Have actually started drawing the impromanga. somewhat, at least.

2003-02-26T10:38:00.000-08:00

Am going to see a prescreening of 'Chicago', the multi-Oscar nominated musical with Richard Gere, Reneé Zellwegger, Christina Zeta-Jones, and stuff. Would've seen it with a close friend of mine, Agnes, and later asked Tanja, tho both had their reasons for not being able to go.
Am now going with a first-year girl from school, that I barely know. Am acting very scared about it.

2003-02-24T18:11:00.000-08:00

After talking to Tanja on the phone late at night(thanks, I guess), with major angst, I guess I felt a little calmed.
Later also talked to Antila about random stuff and his loss of preciousss history on icq, which made me feel...all right.

Am I really that freaking fickle...?

2003-02-24T16:43:00.000-08:00

Hi-ho, terrible fuckin' places...
It's silly that all the fighting me and Tanja's done lately was on the topic of seeing Neon Genesis Evangelion for Tanja's first time, yes.
But right now, I wanna sleep so much. Away from here, and for a long long long time. It's been a dreadful day, first at the psychiatrist, later pondering about all the things T and I talked about yesterday, but um... I don't wanna turn this into an all-out deppressive thing, and I do have some more entertaining things to write about, since this Saturday and last were quite fun, first at the demonstration, and then at the Ghibli Anime-Screening.
But right now, I'm just too stressed out from the things Tanja and I talked about, and I haven't got much hope of feeling content or generally happy for a while ahead. I just can't see what'll make me happy, since I've concentrated such a lot of energy on Tanja lately and particularly in the Evangelion discussion(wether we should see it together or not)... --;;
It's somewhat hard to know in the end that it was all for nothing.

I should probably go sleep...and in the morning I'll start worrying about the bulk of project homework that's been staring at me since vacation started. Or screw it all and move to another country. (ooooh, that's depressing and stuff..really interesting things to write about X__X)

2003-02-21T08:00:00.000-08:00

Had luvverly time with Malin yesterday, making chocolate balls(yes, you get tired of doing it, around the forty-eleventh time or so), watching anime openings, jrock-videos and other good stuff. Since Malin's not the biggest anime fan, the only anime she's found appealing so far was the Vampire Hunter D. But in general I like to think we had a lot of fun, talking, hugging and so on. Wish I had more friends like Malin, I do.

This wednesday I got a very special video game called Suikoden II in the mail. That morning I'd overslept, so I had some time to stay home, and accidentally stood in front of the door on the inside of our apartment, as the postman came and delivered the mail. Couldn't decide wether I should have taken the package (my game)when I saw it being (not-so) neatly squeezed through the door, and thus perhaps scare the postman, since he might encounter a slight shock when someone would actually be taking it from him, on the other side of the door (yes I worr about these kind of things) - or to simply let it drop.
Anyway, I chose the latter of the two, and surprise surprise, the package fell on the the hardest part of the door and you could hear a slight cracking inside. X__X

The game's great, tho. It's something of a hard-to-find (hence a big price tag for it) traditional japanese RPG for the SonyPlaystation with 108 playable characters, nice chara-design and (seemingly) great storyline. Quite addictive.

Am worrying about the coming weekend. Have got terrible lot of things to do.
Am perhaps healing my psyche, speaking emotionally, but with the fat lot of things to do the coming weeks, I can only start preparing to get more streesed than ever. -_-;;
Am DEFINETELY setting up a schedule.

So, then.....why has blogger decided that my page is non-existen, all of a freaking sudden..? O_O

2003-02-18T13:33:00.000-08:00

I noticed a freshman girl in school yesterday, who wore a grey school-uniform plaid skirt, with high black boots to match.

She is as of now, my hero.

2003-02-17T08:20:00.000-08:00

Had Italian test today, which was awful (got my self to blame, really). Went to peace demonstration with the other 30 000 people or so, in the weekend, which was interesting as it was my first demonstration ever. Have got Latin test from hell tomorrow, so will go try and get started on studying the 209 words we need to learn....O_O

Valentine's Day came and went. Some got cards and roses at school, others didn't. I know which category I belonged to. Anyway, I don't think I loathe V-Day very much. It might be a little silly to choose one particular day to show that we care, and buy lots of stuff...but on the other hand, some people do get very happy from receiving stuff, so....well whatever, really. Of course, one of the reasons not to feel that the day is all peachy keen is that there's a slight chance you might feel left out, if you don't receive any token of appreciation. But that's commercialism for you. Or something... I'm feeling that my head is about ready to pop after the studying for my doomed Italian test, and now there's Latin. Yayfun.

Am inspired as fuck, tho.

2003-02-14T09:08:00.000-08:00

::::Happy Valentine's yo all o' y'all::::

'Get any cards, roses, or equally shibby things?

2003-02-12T13:00:00.000-08:00

The haxor handle of Dev Karnal is "Abs0lut3 Leather".

This is a little too acurate, since I just went looking for a leather somethin' yesterday, when I first took the test. ^_^

Margrethe: A few pictures of me from some two weeks ago, when I'd just cut my hair(prolly a bit disappointing, tho): Just pics. Am working on getting a proper site, since I've got some other fairly nifty photos of certain people, to upload.

Oh and btw, if Bush does finally decide to... you know do it, (knock on wood) please refer to me as Misukin Alah Offen... ;)
Or simply go see your very own Afghan Terrorist Name.

2003-02-11T12:41:00.000-08:00

Need to take care of school work, so I can get grades good enough for getting into education of choice come this autumn.

And just cos my blog hasn't been written in, in a near-week after writing the angsty post doesn't mean I've been sulking all of my free time. There are actually better things to do on a sunny day. Am still wondering what Margrethe thought scary about the quizes I took further down. Oh well.
I'm thinking this place needs a revamp.
Hell, I could use a bit of re-something.

2003-02-05T17:07:00.000-08:00

I'm so....so...tired of living in the aftermath of what Tanja and Jonne created. (well, duh)
Tanja writes stuff in her blog that make me more or less...I don't know, pissed off? 'Course it's nice to know that you were nice in a sense, before...but fuck it. Right now, I'm just becoming more and more confused, and angry when she's writing pitying things like, "Dev can't take care of his problems himself" but that she very well can take care of hers.
What do you say to such a wise person, then, when they're the ones who screwed you up in the first place? X__X

::Wish I had the self control to not write this stuff, as I'm turning my blog more and more strange::
But I really, really want to make things in my life work right now. But the past two weeks have just been dreaful, with the staying-out-of-the-apartment-cause-I'm-not-safe-at-home-business, feeling more and more alienated in school, by people I thought I could trust, but jeezus....I can't even write properly, my eyes are getting misty and I don't know what to make of my all the "important" matters jumping around, screaming to be taken cared of. ><;; I'm having sort of a hard time talking with people other than the few very closest to me, and I'm not feeling that I'm starting to lose track of where I'm actually going with all the mental shit, concerning tanja. I'm not confortable with my blog, as it is, design- and contentwise. There was a certain someone (non-Tanja) I thought would ease things up just a slight bit, but that person's not around since 1 1/2 week back (I'll prrolly write about that, when I find a way to make a long story short, in a fathomable way, or whatever) Oh well, things will most likely be easier to understand in the morning, as I'm going to the dentist. Or not. Practical matters gets your mind of things at least. Don't know why I'm complaining here, tho. It's not likely to solve anything anyway. But I did think that opening up, in a blog or something, used to be a good thing. I'm not so sure anymore. Since most netrelated issues have been centered around Tanja and her blog, Jonne, and (especially) people writing about Jonne here and there, just end up making me feel...scared. Not a comfortable feeling to have, really.Have also realized that the times when I get all happy and inspired about movies and books that I've recently read, must have been....well, escapism. Or something close to it..I just didn't think about it very much before. .....and to top it all off, the sexual frustration is back with a vengeance. This is sick.
I.am.such.the.psychotic.bitch. O_o;;

2003-02-04T13:30:00.000-08:00

On the Columbia issue: I hate to admit it, but I'd prolly be more or less content being one of Tanja's "dark army of followers"....or whatnot. Besides, I can't work up the desire to write a lot these days. Tho we're wupposed to be writing a small script for a film at writing class, in school. Might turn out to be fun.

You are a dark writer. A fierce and loyal follower
of Poe and the other gothic authors, you LOVE
to instill a sense of revulsion and somewhat
fear in your readers. You love to poke their
brains with logic dealing with the darker side
of the human mind and character. Truly
surprising and a true individual, you'll do
ANYTHING to create a scene. :)

What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla

YOU ARE ... MYSTERIOUS HERO! (Squall Leonhart from
FFVIII [ff8])

What Kind of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

wtf?

Strawberry Pocky! You're energetic and you probably
bounce around a lot. You're also a bit naive,
and you probably fall in love easily.

What Kind of Pocky are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

...dito.

obsessive compulsive

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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You are Ling, from Mulan. You are fun, and have a
good sense of humor. You aren't hindered by any
silly macho hang-ups. Heck, even crossdressing
isn't beyond you.

Which Skinny Animated Guy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a lazy Grey kitten

What color of kitten would you be?
brought to you by Quizilla

"kåtik"--? Rowr...;)

Delirium, the youngest of The Endless, you are the
keeper of insanity, delusion and everything
else that's just plain crazy. You make about as
much sense as fish and telephone flavored ice
cream. You are truly your own person, and the
fact that your eyes don't match, your hair is
three different colors, and you have a floating
fish following you doesn't bother you any. You
have a truly unique perspective on the world,
and no one else knows what to think about it.

Which Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I so want to finish reading the Sandman comics! O.o

You are a kitty burger

What kind of kitty would you be?
brought to you by Quizilla
The single most beautiful thing I have ever seen.. XD

2003-02-04T07:49:00.000-08:00

::Docu-trash haiku::

No, I am not dead
Things are better at home
Lars is moving out

Love is the devil
or...Love will tear us apart
Titles of albums

Still can't start to write
Of the stuff I care about
Tho...Tanja succeeds

I wish that I had:
home page, good blog, 1337 skillz, job
Tho...must work for it

Have coke....a-cola
It does not make me happy
Tho...I just bought it

2003-01-30T15:44:00.000-08:00

nyaaaaaaaaargh. The people at home had taco dinner. Imagine my luck.

And I recently spent a couple of painstaking minutes coughing up a piece of cucumber that was stuck in my throat from my dinner: two pieces of white bread cheese and cucumber sandwich. joy.

2003-01-30T14:10:00.000-08:00

Ambivalent haiku of the day

Witty, I am not
Tho I know I need to read more
Can I? Will I?

2003-01-30T14:04:00.000-08:00

Mentioned to Dad that I needed a special Official Paper from the Tax Office(personbevis), and he asked why. Against my will, I told him it was about seeking for a scholarship in school. Later he (and Inger)wanted to talk to me about this, and things turned sour quite quickly. I can't begin to describe how futile it is, having conversations with those two about money. I eventually got sick of the screaming, and Dad's coughing, since he's ill. Since what I'd been saying from the start was, that I didn't feel like talking to them about it, I soon left. Felt miserable, called Tanja, like some cry baby. After that, couldn't think of anyone else worth calling later, that would put up with me, so I snuck out.

DIdn't know where I set out to go, but grabbed some stuff from home in my school bag, and ended up at posh café Ritorno (where a former classmate is working, and also the place where Tanja and I decided to try and stay together, after the infidelity, in late May, last year....). Remembered that they had soft sofas, and expensive bakery. The latter was still true: 32 kr for one measly piece of a (well made, I'm sure...)semla.
Sat there for four hours at least. Felt hopeless. Started reading Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. Even though I spent way too much time (I can be a terrible slow-reader when I want to...) reading the preface and bio (and I still skipped one of the two prefaces available... -_-;;) it boggled my senses. I don't regret in the least that I started reading it.
At 22.00, I started the walk home, from Odenplan-area. Took as many detours as I could, as I.did.not.want.to.enter.that.apartment.right.now. Eventually I came to Vanadislunden, the park a block away from us. Revisited the place where I incinerated my problems on a note last week, but the metal chimney-like pipe-thing I'd put the paper in was gone. And instead of rain and wind like last time, I was served snow and frostbite. Did feel slightly lightened up, tho. Also, got artistically inspired by some light and shadows around a park bench, and some trees. Come to think of it...damn A park bench... Ring a bell, Tanja?

Time is 23:03, and I'm about to call Tanja, tho I'm not sure I want.
On another note, she might not be happy, since it's a few minutes past-deadline of calling times.
Oh well?

Feeling low again.

2003-01-28T08:34:00.000-08:00

my head right now: Love, sex, money... (will prolly write explaining entry in weekend, when in higher spirits) -__-;

P.S. Will fix pictures soon, as well. D.S.

2003-01-26T03:36:00.000-08:00

Finished Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 yesterday. Did my own bit of burning, but it was completely irrelevant to me reading the book(put all my problems on paper and ::voof::). Honest. However, I also completely missed this piece of art by A. Cooper over at russian extraordinaires, LAMP
I'm definetely not a sci-fi buff, but I Ioved this book. It's supposed to be one of the classics, written way back in '54. It also seems to have some importance to Russians(?). Hullo, Tanja's father?
While on the topic, the only other sci-fi book that I've actually read (apart from HHGG)is William Gibson's Idoru, and it's got lots and lots of Japanese references(well, the story is played out in Tokyo, mostly). Naturally I was bound to like it some way or another. You can find William Gibson's blog here, btw.
Want to read Electric Toys Last All Summer (A.I., you know...) and the novel that Minority Report is based on.

It's funny how some of the scary people reading the books in question can actually turn one off, from reading the very same books they are reading. Maybe I just need a shrink(but I dohave one...). Somehow, I've long since believed that fantasy and sci-fi books are mostly crap in a nice package attracting lots of kids. I think the biggest cause for this has to be that I used to compare the book covers to those of fantasy books at Science Fiction-Bokhandeln, to anime covers, and mostly I simply found anime style much much much more compelling(actually still do, but at least now I try to tell myself you shouldn't judge a book by its cover). That, and the fact that my much respected, but kind, Swedish teacher Ann-Charlotte in the eight grade(where I had a big depression, and prolly matured some) had the opinion that Fantasy was all a big pile of rubbish(although she liked Tolkien). She was very much liked by the students, especially me(why I was affected by what she said, d'oh), and she read practically book a day. That very same teacher also still has my first volume of the Nausicaä manga, that I lent her nearly five years ago... Should maybe ask for it returned, so can fill the holes in my Nausicaä box, p e r h a p s . .

Oh well, at least that was my demented view of things. Go ahead and laugh if you want. Tho I'll notice. And shoot you down.

2003-01-24T17:08:00.000-08:00

tired as hell. Had real nice time at mangakai for a change. drew comics for a change. everything was crazy, per ususal.¨

Got new haircut today. Girly. Though I shouldn't say it, AM satisfied as fuck. Might post pictures later.

Off to bed at 2 a.m. Am apperently rockstar since I can be seen in a music video. Stupid. ;D

days are hard. I want to learn how to write. Will see Analyze That! for free, tomorrow.

2003-01-23T15:40:00.000-08:00

Thought: Is fights of an old relationship really what I want to fill my blog with?

Need life. Might go for work in any Nordic country during summer.

2003-01-23T15:33:00.000-08:00

Bad Haiku of the day:

Fighting with Tanja
Hate it lots and lots, oh yeah
Wish that it could stop

I just want a new life, is that too much to ask? I can live in a cardboard box, for all I care. Hell, I thought I had some things to cheer me up concerning Eksjö in Småland, but now... oh well. It seems I'm going to flunk Latin test tomorrow, as well. Fuck it.

Tanja:I'm sorry for all the hurt, as always. -__-;;

2003-01-21T15:21:00.000-08:00

Feel terrible. but good. doesn't make any sense.

2003-01-21T14:27:00.000-08:00

Jubei-chan and the Secret of the Lovely Eye-patch nearly made me fall out of bed laughing, while eating breakfast this morning.
Everyone should watch it sometime, as the jokes are so stupid and top-notch perfect. I don't think I've ever seen an anime series with humour, that I feel so clearly is me, me, me. XD

2003-01-21T13:47:00.000-08:00

Italian first thing in the morning tomorrow. Getting prepared to feel stupid. Fuck. Really need to buy that dictionary for 100 SEK. It might help. Or not. Well whatever.

Have got problems in the love-jurisdiction, again.
There's a lot of details and I don't know where to start, so I'll not say much for now.
Maybe later, when things have cooled down and gotten more definite.

Feel like reading Prisoner of Azkaban again.

2003-01-20T17:50:00.000-08:00

Captions from a "special" copy of Lotr...
I mean, Jeeezus christ..! "Hoppits"? "Don't turn me into anything-I'm natural"? ::rofl:: XD

2003-01-20T03:55:00.000-08:00

Sleep. We needsss it.

2003-01-18T10:14:00.000-08:00

This starts by describing the game Rez that I mentioned yesterday, as well as delivering some....humour. Might not be your cup of tea, tho. ^__~
It's very dangerousss. Do-not-try-this. At-home.

I¨m out for pizza and meeting Alex, after having slept away most of the day(arggh...).

2003-01-18T01:46:00.000-08:00

Have been up all night, since I couldn't sleep after allt the snooze hours I spent during the afternoon. Feels wicked good. Aamong other things I read Fahrenhet 451, which is ever such a good book. *__* By know I feel like some kind of amateur philosopher just waiting to pour out stupid ideas. It's nice, in an inspired kind of way. ^_^ The book is a story about firemen. Firemen in a futuristic setting...whose job it is to burn books. Recently found out the reason for all the burning, and it was very interesting. Crazy, but damn near believable.

Put on the computer in the morning at nine or so. No one but me was up at icq. Ate single piece of toast, which felt animated in a sense, as I was crunching away with the toast hanging from my teeth. Pleasant.
Tried to take a photograph of myself in the Sounds' music video on the TV. Failed miserably. ^^

Antila's got himself a job. Go, Antila!! ^o^
(I _know_ I need one...)

Will totally try to be efficient today. God knows when I'll be able to sleep again.

2003-01-17T19:12:00.000-08:00

New subject concerning how to write good literature seems interesting. All writers are liars, btw. ;)

As I accidentally fell asleep in the afternoon til eight thirty, Mangakai Friday had already started. Thought I'd go even tho I would miss the first two hours of drawing and madness over there, but instead started sleeping in v. comfy bed. At night, when I'd made chocolate balls(bought the wrong kind of sugar from 7-Eleven, so I had to go back and buy the other kind, since they wouldn't agree on taking back the opened sugar package that I first had bought ><), I finished playing Rez on the Sega Dreamcast. Can't begin to justify the sheer...craziness...and digital art, that the game actually is. V. freaky. And Ludvig is back from his gf in the States, so he'll want his Dreamcast back, I reckon. Mwuaha, I might persuade him to let me keep the games for a while so I can play them on Walter's DC..? Hm... Oo

Feel as though I'm missing out on everything that's happening since I missed the Mangakai meeting(where appearently they drew wicked Pokémon manga....with sex in it O_O), and people that have been feeling bad are starting to get better, and I haven't mailed half of the persons that I want to due to laziness. argh. Should just make a schedule and get motivated.

Tanja says the opening for the Suikoden III game just might have what to turn her into a gamer-grrl, which is downright scary. ^_^: Personally I feel like there's a giant plaque on the opening movie saying ~~Feather^2 and On Your Mark-properties! Beware!~~ ...meaning that it's a short anime with sentimental abilites that you DON'T want to wear out by seeing it too many times. But that's just my problem, isn't it? I get so high on watching it, that I can't stop, and before I know what hit me... Oo! The effect'll be lost.
The opening movie is available here for downloading(it's the upper one of the two), and this version is compressed to 15 megs or something like it(tho myself, I found the same movie but with twice the picture quality on Kazaa). Enjoy. I know I do. ^_~

2003-01-16T08:10:00.000-08:00

There's a pause in the fighting at home, since practically everyone but me and our cat Lady, are ill. It's worth mentioning, as it still feels like things'll burst at anytime.

Don't know why, but I wouldn't mind sex right now. Or being happy. That'd also be an attractive option.

...Seems like everyone is having their fair share of hell, whether it be love or be it emotional, fucking, war. ...Or something.

2003-01-16T07:45:00.000-08:00

My classmate Nasrin thinks I'm not an easy person to deal with since the infidelity and all(long story), and mum (who got into town for the day)just started fighting with me at McDonald's since I didn't want to hear any more talk about money. Went out on Sveavägen, fought there as well. Felt very uncomfortable since I thought I could at least manage talking to mum of all people, in a civilized manner, as I've been able to go to her for help at other times. But since she is one of the main reasons for why my situation has been turned upside down the recent week, tranquility with her wasn't an option, it seems. Kind of stupid of me to meet her, from the start, I guess.-_-
As mum yelled at me(it seems she's had some problems of her own, lately) my friend Alexandra passed by, from behind me, went past, turned around, threw a kiss, and turned again, understanding sorta. Felt cinematic in a sense. After I made sure mum didn't want to see any more of me(well...that was easy), I catched up with Alexandra, and walked her home. We held hands for some reason, but um....she's got a boyfriend, so no romance there (don't know how I'd feel about the handholding-issue-between-friends as an intimate thing...I got swept away as all I wanted to do was help Alex carry her shopping bag). Anyway, I needed the calm, and she's one of the few good friends I've actually got left, that I can talk to. Hope I didn't say too much, as usual, tho.

D'oh. Just lied to dad about something. I hate myself a little for that....or maybe it's just me feeling extra prudent today... X__x

My mood changed for the worse, as I went out to meet mum(who actually called back recently to say 'sorry for things'), but....Just an hour and a half ago, I was sitting here, feeling inspired(for impromanga, y0!) after watching the anime introduction to the PS2 Suikoden III RPG. There's some beautiful ethnic Yoko Kanno-stylee music, and there's actually a character which I wouldn't mind cosplaying as. The fact that he's got fair hair and dark skin doesn't really make him less compelling either, but especially...his eyes are burning.
Fire. We likesss it. *__*

Am reading Fahrenheit 451: the temperature at which paper burns. Kinda had me captivated already in the preface.

School, Eglish class. Get choice of five books for small groups: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Fahrenheit 451, A clockwork Orange, 1984, (can't remember the title of one of them, but the story revolved around a hand maid) and _not to forget_, Brave New World. Our class is kind of spoiled and starts protesting if they get to read 50 pages a week in a book (I've failed the page count myself at occasions...), but still. We got to choose one book to discuss it every week, but I more or less feel like reading all of them. ^^ (tho, I've already read most of the HHGG trilogy *hrrm* _five_ books *hrrm*, which I should also remember to return to Tanja).
(edit: Added Brave New World. How could I forget? O_O That was the one that Zimeon advised us youngsters to read before the bloody election. Fanx, T)

Margrethe: You like it dirrrty, don't you..? ;)
On a similar note: Ya might have seen it already, but...Hari Pota-picture by Tanja. É sporrco? XD

2003-01-13T15:12:00.000-08:00

Today I've done two things only: I've been in school, and I have SLEPT. As soon as I came home from school (with a schedule beginning at 8.30 going on til ca 17.00, mind you... Since I need the extra math and am one of few people who study italiano) I made my untidy bed who had only seen me sleeping two measly hours in it tonight, and I lay down. And my god, it felt so good (even though I'm worried if I'll fall asleep at all tonight ny now). I've practically been sleeping non-stop since around fiveish except for stepping up for dinner (I don't know how, but my parents and I can at least temporarily survive in the same room) at eight and after that, sleeping til 11.30 p.m. I've been having dreams of my eight-year old cousin from India, Rohan (Yes, I do have a relative with such a name). We had fun in a crazy world where you could take crazy bus rides. That, and sitting in a tavern high up in the mountains, is about all I can remember from dreamworld.

When not angsting, or sleeping, I've been thinking about the Mangakai impromanga that I've got the responsibility to draw, come february. I might want to bring some insanity into the picture....we'll see. I've probably just been playing too much Capcom vs. SNK, and falling in love with the wickedness that is Iori.... Looks really evil, doesn't he..? ^_~ I might link to a better picture, when the impromanga is due.

Went to curator today again, which was very well-needed, as I feel like moving away from home, from Stockholm, from everything. I prolly won't just yet, but I can still yearn for it, can't I?

2003-01-12T15:23:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday, and I'm confused. I don't how to take care of this fighting at home since, by now, Dad more or less wants me to move out to my mum. Well... I want to move out PERIOD. But that's not likely to happen in a while for practical reasons.

Walts and Margrethe: Thanks for the hugs. ^^

And W, I did more or less think you were the everything's-peachy-keen-and-Battlefield-1942-one of us, but I'd like to talk to you about stuff, if you want to. But then again...maybe Valerio will think you're all feminine and stuff if he finds out you're opening up your past experiences and stuff. ;D Whatever, you do as you please.

2003-01-11T18:26:00.000-08:00

Had nice time as I slept over at Tim's after Mangakai, talked 'til 6 in the morning, but now I...

Sincerely feel like I'll fall apart for real. These fights at home are gonna be the death of me. And.I.simply.can't.stand.it.any.more.
(Tho, in the end, if I'm lucky I'll just get an ulcer or something)

2003-01-09T11:38:00.000-08:00

If I thought I felt awful yesterday, I dont want to think about what I'd say about today, after going to the curator at school for the first time, and having a fantastically bitter fight with dad.

Hate, as I've said before, is an interesting (and outright scary)feeling. I don't know if I truly meant what I told mom and Tanja today, but....yeeesh. The things it does to you....deceit from someone who's close-close-close to you, and being in the middle of an evergoing fight about money (that would be between my parents)that you really shouldn't be a part of. I'm most definetely going mental. If I may say so, I don't think I have anything that I'd like to add on the subject on the visit to the curator today, other than that it was nice to share a different point of view of the same old, for once. I envy Walter who (I hope still)hasn't had a good cause to have nasty feelings of near-hatred for any people. I however, would like to feed certain people with dirty socks for a year. I'm not proud, and I don't want my life. It's irrelevant, but I hope that Fredrik will leave me alone in school.

God this is a poor blog entry. Ugh. Could use a hug. Could use an untainted life. Oh well.

Right now, I'm prolly just gonna go curl up in a corner somewhere dark and break down, or something like it.

2003-01-08T14:19:00.000-08:00

Feeling nothing short of awful, but the fact that the guys at Penny Arcade is going bombshells about one of my current fav games is always worth a smile. Kinda makes me want to start drawing Guilty Gear XX fan art, if only I had the talent... Certian russians however...do. And they do it good.
(also gotta love this picture of X/1999 goes Sandman-stylee(or is it the other way around? ;D). Wonderful, if you know the series where the characters come from)

Need to do many things, have at least made chocolate balls for Mangakai Friday, and an extra big one (regular size x 15) for a nice person over there. :)

AM at last going to the curator at school tomorrow, to see if I can stop myself going all mental, or something to that extent. Det suger(hello Margrethe ^^) verkligen att ha angst för gammalt svek. Might write a little something about it later(or not). Will be my first time going for, you know, professional help, and stuff. Not too nervous, though. I just want to get something good to think about for a change, so I can start to treat a certain person I know, better. Hell, I don't even know if my problems are worth her (the curator's) time. Oh well. We'll see, won't we?

Madness.
Go ahead, loop the whole movie.
Be sorry that you did. ^^

Game Boy pr0n. shiny new. kawaii. very.

Music:
_Sahara Hotnights - No Big Deal_
_the Hives - Main Offender_
Angriness, jäääh! XD

2003-01-05T19:36:00.000-08:00

Sleep can be so good, and dreams can be better. (4:37.a.m.)
Felt sleepy at nine, and actually went to bed immediately as I felt it coming, which is more or less odd, for me. Dreamt wonderfully cinematic dream whose ending involved hugging my brother (not my IRL half-brother, I might add) who had black nail polish painted on his finger nails. And actually...I don't think I've ever felt as secure as I did then.
So then.....Have I got a secret brother? Will he be like, Aryan? O__O

Woke at one in the morning and wrote the whole thing down in my (sort-of)Dreamcatcher book. felt inspired and stuff. Will feed birds by sea that are freezing.

Got approximately 6-10 kilos worth of bread and sweet stuff(oh my goth I must've looked crazy running around with the giant dump bag in town)from a Royal bakery in Stockholm, where Axel knows a girl (whose cuteness he constantly kept obseesing about. Kinda put out the charm of it). Met Walter. Gave him bread so he could feed his family. ^_^
Also played 2D fighting game with the Axel-boy. Entertaining as hell. Want many more friends to play 2D fighters with.
-Moi? Gaming Slut? Ne-ver...! ^__~

(edit: 'Slut' actually sounds more appropriate than 'otaku')

Aiming to become a sleeping guru. Will definetely try to go bed earlier, so that maybe maybe the guilty feeling might disappear when you wake at one or two o' clock and realize you might just have wasted some potentially good hours of the day. Hm... should I cut down on the internet obsessing at night, then? I suppose effectiveness is the key.. Oh well.

Imaginary Tanja: Cut your hair and get a job!
Dev: Yes, please..?

2003-01-04T16:12:00.000-08:00

För subkulturella svenskar:
Ta testet! Bli chockad över hur utstuderat och duktigt gjort det är, men hur fel de antagaligen har om just dig! ^__~
Uppenbarligen är jag den eleganta gotiska lolitan. ha.
Det är så klart jag som är Debbie(Debbie Harry! XD), och här är en bild på hur man ska se ut.
Beskrivning enligt dem:

Tja debbie du vill vara EGL (elegant Gothic Lolita). Dock finns det bara ett fåtal av dom i Sverige och du är nog inte en av dom.

Du skulle vilja ha söta bahytter, svarta korta puffiga klänningar, spetsar, rosetter och Mary Janes men tyvärr för du nöja dig med att göra dina egna rosetter och köpa korsetter på hm och ballerina kjolar, detta gör att du mest ser ut som en Darling feminist-punk-popgoth. Du skulle vilja cosplaya men vet inte vart eller hur. På fritiden läser du anime och önskar att du vore byggd som en japan.

Film: Vampyrmänga och sailormoon.
Musik: Malice mizer, och annan japansk musik där sångaren ser ut som en flicka.
Böcker: EGL bibeln (finns på ebay oftast).
Fem kännetecken: På dig är det att du ser ut som en darling-feminist-punk-popgoth, på dom riktiga EGL-flickorna är det bahytten, rosetterna, de kilometerhöga Mary-Jane skorna, vita knästrumpor och sneda ögon.
Status: att ha varit i japan och köpt med sig en massa skivor och kläder. Att vinna cosplay-tävlingar.
Ställen: Hemma framför datorn eller läsandes i den japanska tidningen Fruits.
Geografisk position: Japan. Även dom som inte bor i japan vill dit.
Konserter: I japan. Fast du har inte råd.
Mat och dryck: Sushi och saké.
Butiker: Japanska online affärer som tar levererar utomlands. Haha, det finns typ en!
Politik: Du vet inte men vill bli geisha.
Fel: Att inte veta vad manga och anime står för egentligen och att bara ha mp3s med Malice mizer.
Hobby: försöka sy EGL klänningar och misslyckas. Banta för att se mer ut som en japan.
De andra: Ingen förstår dig eftersom inget vet något om dig. Men du gillar det. Du är ju trots allt mer alternativ än de alternativa, i alla fall i Sverige.

2003-01-03T10:08:00.000-08:00

Which VERSUS character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Want.To.See.It.Again.

Would write about yesterday as some things did happen, but it's hard.

2003-01-03T07:19:00.000-08:00

What Obscure Animal are you?

P|-|34r the Nocturnal Skunk! XD

Which part of the Visual Kei Academy do you belong in?
brought to you by Quizilla

How much of a Yaoi fangirl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Pffft

What is your murder style?
brought to you by Quizilla

What J Rock Personality Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-01-01T19:10:00.000-08:00

you're the virgin suicides. you're sad but pretty, and very, very dreamy.

take the which prettie movie are you? quiz, a product of the slinkstercool community.

Dream, dream, dream... Oh, dree-hee-heem

2003-01-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

I still haven't put behind me the fact that Tanja slept with my ex-best friend Jonne half a year ago.
It's a new year. Dear god, I need to get a life. Actually, I have one already (a life, that is) but last years events still come back to haunt me.

When Tanja and I have fights ("still going on like that?" Yeah... still going on -_-;) either of us usually ends up saying something like "I wish there was anything I could do to make the problems go away, I really do", or something.... There's hardly anything that anyone can do to fix things, unfortunately.
I wish there was a point in what I'm saying here. I'd probably explain it if only I had the motivation to --;

Basically Tanja's the one who says the solution to solving my problems is not to see each other at all. Tho since that's practically impossible(with Mangakai & courses in school), I want to fix things so that se can stay in the same room without acting all ignorant or depressive. 'Tis a problem, and maybe it'll all work out for the best. Maybe it won't.

Happy (late) New Year anyways, and God Fortsättning

2002-12-28T16:40:00.000-08:00

Taking care of cats
Treating plants and reading books
That is what I do

Will see the movie
About the One Ring, monday
Gotta love the book

Don't know what to do
About the criminal who
Wants to blow things up

There was once a girl
With jet black hair, maybe blue
Her hair is no more

Or, well, the colour
Has simply turned blonde, but I
Am a drama queen.

I will see her hair
Tomorrow when here she comes
From far, far, away

2002-12-25T14:40:00.000-08:00

ColonyOne
(Most of it in Japanese, but click gallery for pictures. Well...duh.)

I love this person's art. Straight up my league with the attitude and omg, the picture on the splash page, with mostly red colours on a black background is simply stunning. O__O I...I...I'd sell my liver, left arm, right ear, kidney, both nipples, and a couple of wisdom teeth to be able to draw like that. XD

My contribution for the impromanga is due late february...It might be fun. >:)

2002-12-24T12:45:00.000-08:00

Could say a lot of things about Christmas and stuff, but I'm very full(christmas foooood), and I feel like reading Lotr v.v. much.
::So here's a plain Happy Christmas to all y'all, then::

btw, A Christmas Carol rocks your Christmas-spirit socks.

2002-12-21T15:25:00.000-08:00

Let me see you stripped down to the bone
Let me see you make decisions without your television
Let me hear you speaking just for me

"Stripped" by Depeche Mode, great kind of song.
When kent and even Rammstein does their versions of same song, too. Still good.

2002-12-18T13:24:00.000-08:00

Back from Kalmar now
Think I had a nice time there
Tanja's cut her hair

There is another
Young girl with jet black hair (or blue)
She does not live here

I have two cousins
They could eat you for supper
bones and ev'rything

Is it time to sleep?
Dev won't see his bed tonight
He has homework. Blargh.

2002-12-13T03:27:00.000-08:00

Btw, Fredrik: Appearently you're not paying much attention, I already said the song _wasn't_ gymnopedie no.1 (which has to be by far, the most famous song tho). The one I was looking for was Gnossienne no.1, which is a little bit more melacholy, and imho _much better_ than the gymnopedie. Just wanted to nag a little. ;)

Got the new issue of Cosmo today. Yay.
good-bye, Stockholm

2002-12-13T01:04:00.000-08:00

Tanja just left here. I can't believe how miss her. I can't believe how much.
fuck. I'm crying again. ><; We've been through so much.
And yesterday was just like: giant wooden plaque saying *CRY HERE*

Anyway... I'm going down in Sweden, to Kalmar (which is like a five-six hour trip from here)as a matter of fact.
To new beginnings, I guess. And that's really got some good in it. Haven't travelled by train for that long in ages...

...but fuck. Second break-ups aren't easy. ^_~
><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><; ><;
(This will pass. But right now I miss T so much it's horrible. REALLY have to stop watching kent-music videos, but they're soo good. X__x)

I might not be writing since I'll be gone, so this is my "leaving post", for five days or so.
Go to Tanja's place. Love her. She deserves it. lots of it.
::off to crying _again_....I need to pack, dammit! ;)::

2002-12-10T15:04:00.000-08:00

I've come to loathe myself.
This isn't right.

2002-12-10T09:36:00.000-08:00

Have excellent friggin italian test tomorrow, hence no complete kent concert report, today _either_ (If I keep going in this tempo, I just _might_ have it done sometime next summer --;;)

Anyway, donated blood today with Tanja. My second time doing it(I'm b-minus!! ^o^), and Tanja took the necessary tests and stuff. After having parted from the 450 ml of red liquid, I shared lunch at the bloody place with T-chan. And such a _nice_ bloody place, it is. Good lunch, for one. And they gave me a box of heart-shaped chocolates, since it's soon-to-be-Christmas. kinda sweet thing to do, if you ask me. ^^;
On the way home with Tanja on the subway, we sat next to the singer (black hair + clothes, big nose, feminine touch) and guitarist (simply...blonde) from Melody Club, the band that played _before_ kent at Globen. I didn't say anything to them. I could've...but I didn't. ha.

A pop-interested nice kinda girl in my class, Nasrin (who, btw luvved the kent-concert), appearently saw the video for the Sounds' new song, but she told me she hadn't seen me in it. And that's a good thing. On the other hand, "Italian Stallion", Valerio in my class saw me several times more in the video than I, myself, have(And I've got it on tape). 'Says he caught me doing british gestures with my fingers... ^^;; (didn't know they'd film that)

Saw documentary in Swedish at school, about reknowned renaissance- and impressionist artists and their likes during the late nineteenth century(Monet, Manet, etc..), which got me all newbie interested in art and paintings all of a sudden.(as if it wasn't enough that I found appreciation for architecture, with the movie about the Vatican, that we got to see in Latin Class... ^^) ...Fredrik makes *smacking* sounds with his mouth, btw. Anyway, In this very documentary, they played a piece of music which both Nasrin and I craved to know what it was. It was one of those tunes that you _know_ you've heard a thousand times before, but you can't put the finger on who dunnit, or what the title is. It seems to have been played in lots and lots of other films, among others, the swedish movie Vinterviken, based on book by (also swedish) writer, Mats Wahl(hell-o, Tanja! ^^;;;;).
As it turned out, the composer was Eric Satie, but the name of the song is as-of-yet unknown... ><
Aren't there any Satie-groupies out there, who know of his most famous works..? (It's not gymnopedie 1 through 3, tho. that much is sure)

Speaking of music, The Two Towers seems to have a good score. Now, if only the cd-covers wouldn't look so darn corny... ^^ Tanja still haven't changed her heart about Liv Tyler btw, which cracks me up. ^^ She's got v. kissable lips, tho... T a n j a , that is. ~_~ (Although we probably shouldn't do the lovers-kinda stuff for much longer)

Italian demons are having my brain for dinner.

2002-12-08T15:34:00.000-08:00

My hair looks best after having slept a night or two, with something chemical in it. (observations on doing mad karaoke with a web cam) Ô__o

Sorry, no concert report finished today, either - have been meeting Antila (just plain late, he was), and Agnes(inspiration person). But alas, by mistake I actually published what I had written so far, in yesterday's post. ><; (confusing, you say..? ^^) Might as well let it stay there, it's a long description of what happened up until the actual concert. Not that anything really happened... but yeah.. More will come.

2002-12-07T13:21:00.000-08:00

It's a little late, but this is my experience of yesterday:

::Portrait of a kent-addict:: (haha)

The concert was held at Globen, Stockholms biggest inside arena for music and sports of all kinds. It was set to start at 19:30, and I was ten minutes late. As I got to Globen, I could see queues of hundreds of people, freezing, and lining up to the different entrances 1 through 6. I had to spend ten minutes merely standing in the queue for nô 6, and I started noticing that the people here were mostly as normal as could be. Not your average panda girl or pop boy with the make-up, black hair, and retro clothes to go with them. But then again I had to expect some variety in the crowd - this was actually _15 000_ people coming to see kent. Sold out in a day and all, which seems to be quite the record for a swedish band. I just didn't feel as though I was actually standing in line with people who had liked kent for any time at all, and with all the thirty-something adults there, I was wondering if they were really all here for the same thing. It's like someone would turn around any second and tell me "oh, this is where that angsty band is playing, the ones who are sad and gloomy all the time? I'm not seeing them", or "oh, this is the queue for seeing kent? I'm sorry mate, can't stand that Jocke Berg's darn voice".
But no one did turn around, now did they? Kent certainly has become major, that's for sure. Ô__o

As I got inside, I could see the stores they had set-up just outside of the stage hall, that mostly sold t-shirts of different colours and designs, key-chains, VIP-bands, pins and posters. It's quite the fan thing to do, but I bought a small black pin, simply saying 'kent'. I don't know where I stand on the hey-look-at-me-I'm-wearing-my-favourite-band-on-a-t-shirt issue... but at the moment I didn't have the money for it either way, so there was nothing to think about, really.

The first support act the Sounds had just finished and so the light was put on, in the gigantic arena. I was actually comfortable about missing their act, as I knew I might be late, I've met the band, and I've already seen them on stage, at the video shoot. Anyway, now was the time when I was supposed to meet Minna, who lent me her friend's ticket, so I could get into the -standing section-. She called - we met - hugged - went in. 'Twas so to say, a piece of cake, but I had to stand maybe 100 meters from the stage, as the security staff had put up a metal fence there, and only the first five hundred actually got the shiny arm bands that allowed them to go closest to the stage. Security is good when protecting people, and I can understand that they probably wanted _no injuries_ at this concert (everyone remembers Roskilde 2001, of course...), but this was just silly - the area closest to the stage was hardly half-full. >< They let in a few more people later on, and I got close to getting into the longed-for standing spot, but alas. I had to manage, somehow. Even though I kinda like it when you're surrounded by fans, and you don't have to worry at all about what to do, since the crowd around you are so dedicated (and packed like sardines) that they almost do the jumping-waving-whatever for you. ^^;

::Right now, as I’m writing, I downloaded and started watching kent's video for ’En Himmelsk Drog’ (the one with the Blade-Runner tie-ins in the song text) for the first time in ages and oh my god, I can’t believe how much I miss the time in school when this went on tv. I can’t believe how much I wanted to start a band at the time. (Well actually, I _still_ want to start a band) I can’t believe how much I love the black liquid in the video: Can you believe it!?;)::

Among the crowd was my friend Liv, who quit school last year. She sorta looks like like a black haired Avril Lavigne. But she's got shorter hair...and she's cuter. Also there was Janne, who was as wild as ever.
As the second support act Melody Club started playing, I went to look for a closet that wasn't full. I saw some of Melody Club from high above, and I caught some of the show, standing in the audience. They were okay, but somehow I don't think the band felt that Globen was their favourite spot.

2002-12-07T05:10:00.000-08:00

You know swedish pop/rock group kent, don't you? Speaking statistically, you do. Since they've become huge-huge-huge here in Sweden, everybody knows about them. Not everyone likes them, mind you, tho sometimes you might get just that impression. Some people might however call kent the 'angst-band', while others simply have a problem with Jocke Berg's voice. I don't qualify into either of these two categories, as you might have guessed. So what am I gonna do here, then? Write an überlong, annoying, homage to the group..? Don't know really, but it might become quite the long post, as I always remember why I like them so much, especially at concerts.

Freaky me. I need breakfast, but later in the day I'll write some.
But oh, it felt so...good. Coming home yesterday and smelling the quaint fraigrance of happy (sweaty)people and cigarettes that still stuck to your shirt. And I don't even smoke. But it's a a habit I have - the smell of cigarettes afterwards usually makes it kinda memorable.

2002-12-06T06:46:00.000-08:00

Home from school.
Felt tired of life yesterday(possible post-stomach flu effect), so I made chocolate balls. Felt good. Tasted good, too.
But overall, yesterday was only too full of things that didn't interest me at all. I couldn't lose myself in in anything I usually like - for instance: music. Usually I have songs such as certain things kent has done or the soundtrack from the Rurouni Kenshin OAV, that'll kick me into Emotional City straight off. But nothing did was really sufficient. Still have some breaths left of this boredom-disease, but it's getting better. Placebo are good.

Appearently a friend from class recognized me in the music video on its premiere yesterday. Yeeesh. Does this mean lots and lots of more people will see that it's me with big fuzzy hair and the feminine arm band, in the audience..? Creeepy. :)

Will go to concert tonight(not _yesterday_, like I wrote in your blog-comment, Margrethe ^^;) to see kent + two support acts (Swedish Melody Club and the Sounds - the ones with the video, yeah...). Might kill my inspiration-low for all I know.

On a side note; People who run out of their apartments with bare feet into ice-cold snow should be presidents! XD

2002-12-05T11:21:00.000-08:00

Saw the Sounds new video for 7 Days A Week. Haha, thank god I wasn't visible for too long, with all the fast cuts and all.
I should so have cut my hair before going there... ><;; Oh, well. It was fun as hell to record it, anyway.

Had Philosphy Test at school, wchich went fine, I suppose. Haven't been to school for almost a week. Felt odd. Oh, and did bring the wicked beard I've had since I fell ill, so...well, I must've looked a little 'scruffier' than usual. Experimented a little with the beard as I got home, which was both entertaining and rewarding. ^^

2002-12-04T12:55:00.000-08:00

Awful day with my
so called ex-girlfriend, Tanja. -__-;;

Philospphy test coming up tomorrow, so... _-_

2002-12-03T15:06:00.000-08:00

Feeling better, haven't even thrown up a slug since Sunday. Might go to school tomorrow.
Am starting to wonder what actually goes through the magical brain of Jo. Ô__o
Need to find stuff to motivate going to school and other everyday activities, since even I can realise I need to get over Tanja. And fast..? (Have got one already, but "it" is...far away, in a sense _-_) Should very much like to get hold of this spiffy first-press Dir en grey item, btw. Tho of ocurse, 'tis wickedly expensive.. X__x

2002-12-02T11:01:00.000-08:00

It's okay to hate my life a little, isn't it?

I really don't want to live in this house no more. Misunderstandings, fights, shouting, sadness, discomfort, crying, hating, and all of it with no concern to the circumstances, at all.

I do say that I wouldn't mind moving out of here, at all.

2002-12-02T07:26:00.000-08:00

Right now this indian fellow from Stockholm is siriusly and sincerely, very, very, ill.
Having thrown up three times and had hallucinogenic experiences of a really wicked kind, I'm barely able to stand up properly at times.
I believe I'm getting to share the extraordinairy sensation of a stomach flu.
There's the reason to why I didn't write anything yesterday anyway.

The bed is my castle.

2002-11-30T17:43:00.000-08:00

I'd probably have a hard time explaining to my parents at breakfast why I was reading Harry Potter shounen-ai/yaoi fanfics and looking for good pictures of swastikas. Maybe I am turning into an indian version 2.0 of Tanja, after all. Ô_o
This cracks me up, tho. ^__^

Speaking of Indians...
Don't you come telling me that I look like Jimi Mistry from the Guru. See the movie, I dare you. So far, 100% of the people I know who has seen it(*2* individuals ^^;) have told me that the lead character and I smile in just the same way. Go ahead. See the movie. Do it. I double-dare you. XD

2002-11-30T12:09:00.000-08:00

I so suck at actually starting to do work, such as important essays or ambitious e-mail letters. X__x;

At least I've started thinking about how I don't actually have to eat candy every now and then just because I happen to have a kilo or two of fudge or what-not lying around for.strange reasons. ;)

Started watching Harry Potter: the Philosopher's Stone on DVD today. It's the first time I've actually seen it at home, and I've had it since summer. Anyway, it's still...magically cozy. Or cozily magical...? O__o
And everyone of the kids are so small and chibi, now that you've got CoS to compare with... ^-^

I'm gonna be hairmodelin' come next spring. Whoop-ah.
Could use haircut now, though.

...Have btw probably been spending a little too much time at the Harry Potter NC-17 Fanfiction Archives

2002-11-29T06:44:00.000-08:00

once again, I'm in a situation where I need to have a studying frenzy before next week, as three tests are coming up: Italian, Philosophy and a small Latin one.

I've gotten an angst rebound on the whole Tanja situation, which I wish I could simply shake off. But...no. X__x

Am not in the mood for anything particular.
Wilde was fab.
Still need a turntable... (Was that Rasmus commenting, btw..?) O__o

Mangakai tonight.

Feeling splendid.
Not. ^>^

2002-11-28T08:09:00.000-08:00

Some days ago I received a vinyl single with a synth band called Front 242 as a gift from a friend in Borås.
Now....if I only had an LP-player.... O__O

I've never really been able to work up the interest for fanfics before (exception made for the slightly hilarious fic by Cairnsy, which Tanja based a pic on), but... I stopped by Restricted Section today and....it seems like fun. Slashy and naughty and a lot of fun. ^__^;; (All of it wasn't slash but still v. enjoyable reading)

Will finish watching Otaku no Video and read Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest.
Wilde. Gooooooooood.

2002-11-27T10:30:00.000-08:00

How seme are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2002-11-25T17:29:00.000-08:00

It's 2:30 a.m. I was supposed to go to bed early today.
haha. Tho I didn't really, now.
Don't ask me why ^__^
haha.

2002-11-25T04:08:00.000-08:00

school schmool.
Can't work. too...tired.
Want to shoot someone. O__o

Walter is sitting next to me. Yaoi. guns. schoolcatalogue.

2002-11-24T11:56:00.000-08:00

Saw Harry Potter at the premiere and luvved it. Made all the merchandise hype and all the oafs in school ignorantly talking about Potter-stuff seem like miles away. Have also been taking care of cats at my mum's in Växby this weekend. Hence, I haven't had a decent internet connection so I haven't been able to do lots of stuff I've felt like doing, like pre say write about the CON or the VIDEO SHOOT or...perhaps a little review or somethin about Harry Potter. ::sigh::

Anyway, Tanja's gotten herself a new spiffy design for eraser.
Even though I've got a stupid-as-fuck disagreement with her about a certain thing there, you should most definetely go have a look! She's got like, a new Spike-gift from Kell..! O__o

(Margrethe&Jo: Sorry. Not that Spike.^_~ )

2002-11-21T12:25:00.000-08:00

Did SO go to student fair and get lotsa candy today.

Have SO got home work to do.

Will SO see Harry Potter: CoS with Tanja tomorrow

Will SO spend time with Tanja, and... She says she's getting fatter. I'd give her 'one, tho.

Need to get better check of my schedule, as I still haven't had the urge to write about the con nor the video.

2002-11-20T16:48:00.000-08:00

Which Member of Dir en grey Would You Likely Bang?
brought to you by Quizilla
.

How Jrock are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
.

Whose Pants Would You Steal?
brought to you by Quizilla
.

What Kind of Fangirl are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah, I definetely need to go to sleep.
And most likely I'll dream about fan-girls or what-not. O__o

2002-11-20T16:34:00.000-08:00

What Piece of Kyonatomy are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Dir en grey Song Best Represents Your Inner Turmoil?
brought to you by Quizilla

Watched italian classic La Dolce Vita and finished my CV and also turned it in to the place I'd like to work.
First evening in a week that I've (sort of, if you scratch an idiotic fight with my parents, concerning my room and such) actually been able to relax with a clean conscience. ^___^

Tomorrow is Education Fair! Yay! (have got NO clue at all about what I want to know)

2002-11-19T11:12:00.000-08:00

Won't have time today either to write about the fun stuff, cause I'm such a lazy bum.

This is what I need to do, before I can write about the weekend and what-not:

*Write email to friends.

*Write essay about punk in NY in the 'seventies

*Send good photos for good cause

*Take pictures of dad's car stereo and sell on internet for huge sums of money

*Read Crime and Punishment

*Prepare siriusly important verbal test for Swedish

....and so on.

well. all is well that ends well. or something

2002-11-18T17:20:00.000-08:00

Have been at video shoot for the Sound's new song '7 days a week. E x h a u s t i n g , but dead fun.
The keyboard-man is still pretty as fuck. Will write more when have time.

2002-11-17T11:01:00.000-08:00

Have been at the Dougakon all weekend(slept there saturday), and am now back at home, sweet home. Had missed home in the short time I was away.
Anyway, I'm hungry. Getting noodles and sandwiches now and then REST. So I'll probably be writing lots tomorrow. Feel perked up, and like always at a good con - I'm inspired to take the Japan interest further ^^. Nice things happened. peace and good night.
(whoa! A pop/rock n' roll band I've started listening to - the Sounds - just received the teenagers' television music prize for best newcomer. They kinda listen to synth, and many of the boys are v. pretty. Good band)

2002-11-13T12:45:00.000-08:00

I started reading my blog yesterday, when my Mangakai-friend Antila first found it, and he got to know about the infidelity thing, with details. But as I read it fein from the start of May I realised I've definetely got to explain what it is I'm thinking and feeling about many things I write about, and not just simply mentioning them. I thought I had written all that stuff that was going on inside of me, but no. It's not that all the details are too intimate (which some are, I might add) but more of an act of lazyness on my side. Sheisse.

So I'll be writing then.

After I'm through with failing my math-C test. Ughh... -_-

2002-11-13T12:37:00.000-08:00

Had serious fight with Tanja (who was btw really stupid) yesterday, but ah... It's hard when you're supposed to show compassion to someone who's acting like an idiot. And I know that that very phrase goes both ways in our relationship. Which is kind of a hassle, since I whnen pushed, of course, can be quite the jerk as well. ><

Anyway, I really need to study and then get a personality. Or a job.
Have baked for Dougakon. Not awfully much, but good stuff! ^^

2002-11-12T10:00:00.000-08:00

::Tonight there'sa gonna be sum studyin gonna be done, dammit! ;D::

2002-11-10T10:57:00.000-08:00

Have done ZERO home work.
Have Instead been watching Trigun, Witchhunter Robin, and started drawing.

Don't you just love to do all them tedious things (in my case; drawing) when you so KNOW you need to do something else...? X__x;;

2002-11-09T11:38:00.000-08:00

Have been to IKEA with Tanja and her mom. Also to their new apartment to leave the new goods and kitchen stuff (worth approximately150 $). The person living in Tanja's-to-be-apartment has a wicked name.
Our friend Ludvig are sheep.
Am at Tanja's

2002-11-08T19:00:00.000-08:00

Can You find Me?
(Swedish hairmodel thing, among others. Site created by a real playboy-like fellow ^^ He's the one with the content smileat the back of the group picture in the hair model section. And not so far from me is a guy that shaved his huge beard off. Made him look like a girl or mebbe Jared Leto, the bishie fellow from Requiem for a Dream, My So Called Life, among others XD)

2002-11-08T16:46:00.000-08:00

Have been through serious never-want-to-do-it-again fight at home, which sent me sky-high into depression and nasty places. Things at home devastated me, and we were still talking about what happened between Inger and me. Never ever again! ><

Calmed down.

Had sirius fun at Mangakai. Pr0n, candy, cookies (I made) and lots lots and lots of feeling-good. Sure, a little unfun stuff, but overall it was great.

2002-11-06T14:27:00.000-08:00

Have bought candlelight from IKEA with mom, that smells of w a t e r m e l o n .
Quite the shibby thing. XD

Since I stopped attending wednesday's Mangakai meetings at Huddinge, I found out I've almost forgotten they exist. O_O
Which is a good thing, as I would have a hard time coping with knowing that some of the people there....used to be good friends of mine.

I miss the old times, but...Here's hoping that I find something that'll make my heart skip, the way Tanja could do to me. Or just something really really fun and engrossing, like making a movie, or getting lost in a book. :)

The lord's good music:
Blindside - Pitiful and Silence (I think these are the only songs that I'll like from this band. And like, they're christian! Mercy of percy! ^^)
Nirvana - You know you're right (Yeah, SO the man's dead, and it's not good to make money out of dead people, right? But he was gorgous, he had stomach pains, he was an icon. He didn't want any of that. Respect! ^_^)
VNV Nation - Rubicon (hard synth stuff. Clubbish, angsty, sexy, cool)
Golden Boy feat. Miss Kitten - Ripppin Kittin (I must have played this some 200 times since last week. Goooood dance track. I want to make a manga based on it. But uh, that's actually such a Tanja-thing to say.... Ô_o)

2002-11-06T03:32:00.000-08:00

Have reently finished work at school with Valerio, and am ready to enjoy the rest off the week without school
Really must study for math test coming up. Am SO not good at it.....but I used to be.

Want to draw stuff. Want to be good at drawing pictures.
Need a job.

2002-11-04T10:10:00.000-08:00

I want to die.
I hate myself, and I hate it at home even more.
I got thrown into the shower today in a fight, just so I could see how some stupid chair in the bathroom should be put.
My substitute mom Inger was screaming at the top of her voice at every sentence she uttered.
I felt terrible, and cried and stuff.
I came (late) to school. Sees Tanja (and Jonne). Unintentionally I break down as I see her. Painful as fuck but I guees I needed it.
My teacher in Science comes, and sees me sniffling. I didn't feel like it, but I told him the basics of what's happened between Tanja and my previously so called best friend, and how it connects to the idiotic fights I have at home right now.
Might have felt a little better after that, I don't know. x__X
Spent rest of the day worrying on what coming home would be like.

Upon coming home, it went smooth as I didn't have to spend time with anyone, and Inger went out as I came.
Made the bed with new sheets, and prepared dinner: Noodles and hot chocolate.
As I finish, Dad and Inger come home.
I DO not feel like meeting them at that time, so I rush into my room with the food.
I eat.
Dad scolds me later for not wanting to eat with everyone else, and says "if that's the way it's gonna be, you should consider bloody well moving to your mom's..!" ...or something like it, for the tenth time or so and actually _means_ it.

Oh. Happy. DAY.